Updated: August 15, 2022
If you’re not getting the results you want with online dating, it may not be bad luck or bad timing — it could be bad strategy. But that’s actually good news because it means you can do something about it. Maybe you’re working hard, but not working smart, just like I was with my diet plan, and you just need to make a few minor adjustments to make it work.
1. You’re On the Wrong Dating Site
A big reason why online dating doesn’t work for some people is that they’re on the wrong dating site. Maybe the target audience is too young or too old, maybe the features can’t meet their needs, maybe the site is still new and hasn’t built up its membership base enough. A lot of factors could make a dating site a bad fit for your needs.
2. You Haven’t Added Any Photos
More than likely, you wouldn’t book a hotel room, buy a house, or adopt a pet without first looking at a photo (or two or three). That shouldn’t be any different for online dating. Photos are important. You shouldn’t expect people to give you the time of day on a dating site if you haven’t added any photos of yourself.
3. You Aren’t Searching for Matches On Your Own
Online dating is awesome because you can fill out your profile and then let the site do the work for you — but you shouldn’t rely on that all the time. Take matters into your own hands by browsing for matches on your own as well as reviewing the suggestions the dating site gives you.
4. Your Parameters Are Too Narrow
OK, I’m going to play devil’s advocate here by saying that while you should look for matches on your own, you also want to be careful about how nitpicky you get with the search filters. It’s going to be really hard to find someone who checks off every box you have.
5. You Aren’t Initiating Contact
I’ll admit that I’m not the biggest fan of sending the first message — it can be intimidating. But you’ve got to do it sometimes, especially if you’re struggling to meet people on the site or app. While some people think men should initiate, and some people think women should — I think both should. It’s 2018 for crying out loud.
6. Your Messages Are Too Formulaic
We have a lot of first-message tips that can help you get over the messaging hurdle, but the most important thing to remember is to not send the exact same message to a bunch of different people. They’ll be able to tell right away, and it’s just not a cool thing to do, in general.
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