Updated: June 20, 2021
You have given up on the chance that dating could be different, better, and more satisfying in the present and future. You have given up on the reality that not everyone will abandon you, betray you, hurt you or reject you So, how can you date in a more positive way without letting the past or fear-based thinking bring you down?
1. Imagine each date as a clean slate.
It is separate from your thoughts about dating and separate from your past, including bad dates and any negative encounters with previous partners. View each date as a new opportunity to connect with someone who has nothing to do with your past.
2. Back to the moment
When negative thoughts creep in, acknowledge them without attachment and bring yourself back to the moment, reminding yourself to be open to what is happening presently. Dating works best when you are actually on the date instead of in your head.
3. Be open to a different or new reality.
Your mind says the past equals the present? Take deliberate action not to believe it. Your mind tells you that the current man you are dating is likely cheating on you because you’ve been cheated on before even though there is nothing signaling that he is? Let it go and work with your mind to handle the unknown with an open heart and mind.
4. The Difference
Understand the difference between getting your hopes up unrealistically and being open and available for connection. In turn, do not change your dating life and associated decisions to avoid potential pain or rejection. Dating involves taking risks, so if you like her, ask her out; if you want to see her again, let her know; and if you want to kiss him and the moment feels right, go for it.
5. While you have no control of others, date in a way that works for you.
Focus on making choices that feel right to you, in terms of the pace, how many people you date at one time, etc. When you focus on yourself and what is in your control, you will naturally feel more confident and empowered to handle the bumps along the road to love.
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