Updated: January 26, 2023
“What if QWOP but Tinder?” is not a question I have ever asked and did not ever want the answer to but here we have it nevertheless. As if going on a first date with a stranger weren’t stressful enough, Table Manners turns it into a full-on disaster with slapstick physics. I can imagine getting partway through one of these dates and pulling a full-on tableflip—on accident. Getting matched with a date is easy (unlike real life) but keeping everyone at the table happy looks less so.
If you’re just a hand without much of a brain attached, I’d advise you to take your date to someplace where you can only make so much trouble with your clumsiness. That’s not your fate in Table Manners though. The trailer shows off a few dangerous locations and related overly-fancy food practices that look as like to turn you all thumbs. There’s a plane and a boat. A sushi conveyor. A blowtorch. Champagne. All are tricky enough to navigate with my actual hands. Imagine using chopsticks with your dumb physics-ified thumbs.
From the looks of it, you’ll be prompted by little road-sign looking diagrams on the screen to do increasingly risky table maneuvers. And by tricky of course we’re just talking about getting your fork in your mouth or lighting a candle without burning down the joint. Each date has what appears to be a happiness meter (or attraction or whatnot). I imagine you’ll want to keep that high to make your date a success and I also imagine that smashing wine glasses on the floor will not win you any points.
Echo Chamber have even written up some tips for having a good first date. In game, that is. I don’t know if they have any real-world dating advice. Most notably, there’s a left-handed setting for folks that prefer it. They also mention that you shouldn’t go diving for misplaced table accouterments as most of ’em will respawn on the table. You’re dangerous enough with your head above the tablecloth. Don’t go down there.
You can grab Table Manners on Steam where it’s normally priced at £15/€17/$18 but is currently 20% off for its first week.