Updated: February 6, 2023
It’s true that dating apps remove this haziness. If you meet someone online, you know they’re available. Unless they’re engaged or married, women don’t walk around with their relationship statuses on show. But regardless of that, plenty of couples still meet in real life. They meet each other through mutual friends or work, or they start chatting with one another at a coffee shop. Dating apps may be sweeping the scene, but they haven’t fully taken over!
1. Choose the right time
If she’s with what looks to be her family or a group of women, you might want to assume that this isn’t the best time. If she’s also sitting on her laptop in a coffee shop absorbed in something, she’s probably busy and would rather not be interrupted.
2. Start casual and light
“I’ve never had that kind of pastry before, is it good?” or “I really like your bag, I’ve been looking for one to carry my laptop just like that. Do you recommend it?” are easy openers. You’re effectively checking to see if she’s receptive to having a conversation.
3. Ask for a favor
You could break the ice by just leaning over and saying, “Hey, could you watch my bag while I run to the restroom?” or “could you pass me a straw?”. These don’t require a lot of investment on your part, but at least getting you saying something to the lady you’re interested in and seeing how she responds in turn.
4. Stay upbeat
Negative people who rant and complain aren’t, simply-put, attractive. People are drawn to positive, upbeat people, so if whatever you say after your opener is some criticism of the barista, the place, the weather, etc. it’s likely going to discourage further conversation. You’re much better off at encouraging a conversation with this lucky lady by complimenting something around you both than being a grouch and railing against it.
5. Make sure the conversation isn’t one-sided
Yes, you want to impress this woman, so you might want to spend a few minutes talking about why you love your job, but what about her? Stop and ask her opinion every once in a while, or make sure you’re also discovering things about her. You walked over to her and spoke to her for a reason. Make sure you figure out if your hunch that she’s a person you want to know better is right!
6. Don’t interrogate her
If you really want a conversation to keep going and you’re nervous, you might fall into interrogation mode. You’re asking her questions rapid-fire: “Where do you work?” “Do you like that?” “What do you like about it?”. Give her some time to talk before you launch into another question.
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