Updated: April 22, 2021
Emotional unavailability is a real thing and being married to a man who is distant can be unfulfilling and frustrating. Such a relationship can feel like a roller coaster with you in a constant state of fear of being left alone with all your efforts to get close to your husband being shut down.
1. Begin with understanding the underlying issue
You won’t win him over by demanding that he be responsive to you emotionally. Give him ample time to open up about his past or why he is the way he is. Always be affectionate but don’t let him take you for granted.
2. Give it time
Being his wife doesn’t mean he is obliged to open up to you completely. If you give him enough time to digest the fact that you are his wife and someone he can count on, he will slowly come around. It’s also important that you are upfront about it early on.
3. Drop your judgments
Being emotionally unavailable doesn’t mean he is bad; it’s just one of his flaws as a human. Although he has his reason for being so, he might want to change now that you are here. Judging him over it can cause him to become more defensive and withdraw further.
4. Giving a sense of security
Assure your husband that you will love him regardless of his emotional availability. Quite often the underlying cause of it is childhood trauma, tragedy or rejection or an event that impacted them to stop being emotional.
5. Watch for subtle cues
This requires you to be a little more perceptive than you normally are. Even the most distant unavailable men express in one or the other way and all you need to do is pay attention. Your effort can also encourage him to be more open to you.
6. Skip the sarcasm or lectures
While your temper definitely has a threshold, saying mean things to him or being sarcastic will only annoy him and drive him further away. The same also goes for lecturing him about why it’s essential to be emotional. The trick here is to let it dawn on him.
7. Change your focus
While things on his end take time to happen, you can shift your focus to establishing yourself as an individual so he knows you are not entirely dependent on him for your identity. It can be a confidence booster and earn you his respect.
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