How to Make the First Move and Message a Man Online 2023

Updated: January 28, 2023

According to a study of online dating data, women who send an online dating first message are 2.5 times more likely to get a response than men are. And the men they get responses from tend to be more attractive too. To help you out, here are four quick tips to on how to initiate conversations with men while online dating:

1. Don’t mass message

Sending out dozens of the same messages to different guys is the online dating equivalent of running a call center. Yes, you might get a few men who are interested and write back. But will you be interested in them and will they be a good match for you? Probably not. Only send messages to men who actually strike your fancy.

2. Be sincere in your approach

One of the cardinal rules in an online dating first message is to say more than hi. If you think about some of the worst messages you’ve received from men, even men you liked, many of them were probably a bland hello or “how’s it going?” How is someone supposed to respond to that?! Don’t make the same mistake. Instead, find something you have in common in his profile and start the conversation with that.

3. Don’t expect a reply to every message

While it can be frustrating to craft a meaningful message only to hear nothing back, it’s only natural. Everyone who’s dated online, even the most attractive and successful people, don’t hear back from everyone they’ve matched with. Men don’t receive as many messages as women but that doesn’t mean they can’t be unresponsive too. So don’t let it get you down.

4. Engage in a conversation to see if you want to meet up

First message sent? Great. Now follow up with some killer conversation. A great first message doesn’t mean much without rapport. That’s why you have to keep the conversation going. Don’t just answer his questions without asking him something back—that puts all the pressure on him.


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