Updated: April 23, 2021
Navigating the world of dating can be hard, and sometimes even harder to find your way in the gay dating world. The dating game and its rules have changed a lot in the past 20 years, and it can be challenging to keep up. Here’s our best gay dating advice and expert tips to make the dating world a little bit easier to navigate.
1. Dating apps can help or hurt but are pretty necessary today
Nearly 60 percent of gay couples meet on dating apps. That’s 20 percent higher than heterosexual couples. There’s an added challenge for gay people meeting people in real life, as you can’t just know if someone is also gay without asking or flirting and waiting to see if you’re going to be rejected. Dating apps make it quite a bit easier to find dates because you know from the outset that you’re looking for the same thing.
2. Pick the right app, not just the most popular one
A very common thing on Tinder, for instance, is that a couple will list themselves as a girl to help them find someone for a threesome. But that’s not going to help you find a match. Look for apps that are designed with your needs first and foremost in mind. And your only option is not Grindr. There are other apps for other desires, like Chappy which bills itself as having the goal of helping gay men find each other for long term relationships.
3. Fearing rejection is normal, but move past it
Whether you’re using dating apps or not, rejection is a normal thing that is going to happen. Someone may reject you because they aren’t into your gender or they might reject you because they’re not into you. And either way is okay. You need to keep moving, even when that hurts. You will find someone who is into you as a man or woman or otherwise and who is just into you for you!
4. Don’t get hung up on stereotypes
There’s a number of stereotypes in the gay community for both men and women. Is she butch or femme? Is he a bear or a twink? But these kinds of descriptors can really end up hurting your ability to find someone who is a good match for you. You end up questioning a lot about yourself and about who you’re into.
5. You don’t have to change yourself
There are other stereotypes in the gay communities that can be hurting your dating ability. These other stereotypes typically come from outside communities and can sometimes force their way into the gay community, lead you to internalize them. For example, it’s the idea that gay men are flamboyant or gay women are tough or that gay men love pretty things and gay women hate them.
6. Don’t compare yourself
This advice is especially pertinent to gay men as gay men are often reflected in media as being this incredibly fit man with eight pack abs and a smile that literally glows. But the truth is that very few men, gay or otherwise, actually, look that way. And that’s good because not every guy wants that anyhow. Maybe you carry a little more weight than you want or your beard isn’t ever as perfectly coiffed as Jon Hamm’s.
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