Harvard M.B.A. and New York Times best-selling author advocates a better way — being proactive and approaching your dating life like a job search. I had the opportunity to chat with Rachel and get a singles state of the union. Here’s eight interesting tips I learned.
1. The “no effort mentality” is crazy.
We are officially the instant gratification dating generation. If love doesn’t happen instantly, we’re out of there. But anything worth having takes work. Rachel points out that we are willing to put effort into other things in our lives — our careers, our friendships, our hobbies, our living space –but we expect our love lives to come effortlessly.
2. It takes a village to find Mr. or Mrs. Right.
An important step in working on your love life is letting people know that you’re looking. A lot of us are embarrassed to reach out for help when it comes to finding love. We think it seems desperate to admit that we would like to find someone to spend the rest of our lives with.
3. Stop asking “Where?” Ask “How?”
Asking a friend, co-worker, family member, or acquaintance where you can meet a great guy is a dead-end question. When you mention in casual conversation to your “village” that you are looking to meet someone this year, ask “how.” That way you are enlisting them in your search.
4. Get online.
There’s no stigma about dating online anymore — one-fourth of the people who got married last year met online. So, if you don’t already have a rocking online profile … make one. But Rachel also recommends Twitter as an alternative source.
5. Don’t forget about Facebook!
One-third of married people met through introductions by friends. Following that logic, Facebook may be our single most underused resource.
6. Married people are a great resource.
They know a thing or two about relationships, but more importantly, they know other single people who are marriage-minded. Plus, they’re much more eager to see you settle down than your single friends.
7. You may have tried it all, but have you tried it well?
Trying something once or twice isn’t enough. “Doing online dating with a bad profile picture or going to a singles event and leaving after you scanned the room once is like looking for a job with a poorly written resume or applying for a sales job [when] you’re an accountant”.
8. It’s OK to outsource.
How do we know what we’re doing wrong in our dating lives? Rachel says that there’s no shame in hiring a dating coach. Hey, we have personal trainers, therapists, and head hunters. Outsourcing is part of our culture — yet we feel we can tackle the dating thing on our own. Why?
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