Updated: January 26, 2023
Valentine’s Day is upon us once again, and if you’re reading this article there’s good chance you’re in need of a laugh.
Perhaps you’re lacking in the romance department this Feb.14 and could use some cheering up, or maybe you’re perfectly content with your Valentine’s Day plans and are simply in the mood to appreciate some top-notch jokes.
Whatever it is that brought you here, welcome. If you’re single, dating, married, or a fan of Mr. Bean, you’ll surely appreciate these comical tweets about love.
Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone! Don’t forget to buy your discounted Reese’s Peanut Butter Hearts on Feb. 15.
Save money this Valentine’s Day by being unlovable
— Sorrow-scopes (@Sorrowscopes)February 12, 2020
my therapist had the audacity to have hip surgery two weeks before valentine’s day when i specifically told her not to
— Matt Bellassai (@MattBellassai)February 12, 2020
My wife & I tried role play but we kept fighting over who would be Mr. Bean
— Viktor Winetrout (@Cpin42)January 28, 2020
Ima evade my taxes for Valentine’s Day at least the IRS will want me
— Cryptic (@CrypticNoOne)February 5, 2020
I may not have a valentine but I have enough rewards for 5 free dominos pizzas so who is the real winner here
— Haley Cruse (@haley_crusee)February 5, 2020
ur crying over a guy who put more effort into standing his broom up straight than he did into your valentine’s day plans
— joe (@midlifetimmy)February 11, 2020
getting arrested on valentine’s day so i could say i was cuffed 😊
— Max 👑 (@maxxvalverde)February 3, 2020
For Valentine’s Day, remember that people will let you down, but not a single goddamn time has Taco Bell ever let you down.
— Charlotte Clymer 🏳️🌈 (@cmclymer)February 11, 2020
If men wrote candy hearts:
– *seen at 1:46am*
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats)February 7, 2020
Valentine’s Day plan:
1. Breakfast in bed
2. Chocolate covered Strawberries
3. Movie marathon
4. Dinner for 2
5. Regret eating 2 dinners
6. Cry alone.
— 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐛𝐨𝐲 ✞ (@lShameIess)February 10, 2020
This Valentine’s Day I’m gonna send the guy I’m seeing a card adorned with the picture of the guy who will replace him if he fucks this up.
— CORINNE FISHER (@PhilanthropyGal)February 12, 2020
This Valentine’s Day, get your wife the gift that says “free shipping if bundled with three or more toiletries.”
— Conan O’Brien (@ConanOBrien)February 12, 2020
falling in love with myself this valentines day that’s a power move.
— 🦋 (@highfeeIing)February 9, 2020
I think I’m going b to surprise myself with flowers for Valentine’s Day. I think i would like that
— Lan. (@LandreyJackson)February 7, 2020
If you’re bored on Valentine’s Day just go up to random couples in restaurants and shout “Who the fuck is she?!”
— Lauren-Jade (@laurenjadepope)February 2, 2020
Instead of going on a date this Valentine’s Day go library and focus on your degree
— 𝙨𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙤 🧪 (@sxblo)February 6, 2020
u have a valentine for this year, i dont. we’re not the same
— sarah (@heavenbrat)February 12, 2020
I’ll be the real winner when I buy an 8lb Reese’s heart for $1.50 on February 15th
— J (@Dis0beyJay)February 6, 2020