Updated: August 18, 2022
Ben Affleck’s redemptive, slightly depressing “I’m a changed man” press tour reached Peak Sad in October, whenPage Six reportedhe was “looking for love” on Raya. To know that he had gone from the darling of Hollywood, happily married to Jennifer Garner, to a divorced dad trawling anobnoxiously bougiedating app in the hopes of maybe hooking up with a C-list influencer was a truly bleak thought. He was reportedly using the app with disturbing frequency, tweaking his photos, updating his little bio, and changing his song to Bob Marley’s “Guava Jelly,” which is about weeping profusely after getting your heart broken. Dark stuff!
On Friday, the whole saga took a disconcerting turn: Ben Affleck said he is not, and never has been, on Raya.
“I am not on any websites, I have no songs,” AfflecktoldGood Morning America. “I am not on Tinder, Grinder, Grindr [?], Brinder [???], Grinder, Bumble, Humble. I am not on any of them. I have no judgment about people who are. Great… But not me.”
On the one hand: Good for him. It’s nice to know the mighty haven’t fallen quite as far as we thought. On the other: That means some sicko is out here… impersonating Ben Affleck on Raya?
Of all of the celebrities one could choose to impersonate, Ben Affleck—back-tattooed,kind of cancelled,visibly sadBen Affleck—is a slightly baffling pick. Maybe the guy behind the fake profile looks a lot like Ben Affleck, and figured that if someone actually agreed to go on a date with him, it might take them a while to realize he was a fraud. Maybe he’s a Ben Affleck superfan, and is living out some weird, psychosexual fantasy in which he fully becomes him. Maybe it’s all just a big joke. Who knows! Either way, we need to get this man off of Raya immediately, before he catfishes some poor, unsuspecting woman who’s just looking todrink 12 cups of iced coffeeandrip cigswith the REAL Ben Affleck.
Somebody callNev Schulman. Fake Ben Affleck must be stopped.
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